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Citizens of the world


"With the increasing emphasis on a global economy and international cooperation, people need to understand that their role as citizens of the world is more important than their role as citizens of a particular country."

There is a great deal of debate over whether people need to understand that their roles as citizens of the world are more important than their roles as citizens of a particular country. Some people believe that it is much more important to be global citizens. At the same time, others argue that home countries' interests should always come first. In my point of view, the role of the world citizen should always (1) go before the role of a particular country's citizen. My view can be (2) greatly substantiated by reasons stated below.

Firstly, as the economy is (3) growing more global, it is crucial (4) to emphasis on cooperation (5) across countries. Cooperation (5) across countries is essential for many businesses. All of the Fortune 100 corporations have (6) operation in more than (7) 1 country now. For example, Wal-Mart is not only opening stores in many countries besides US, but also purchasing goods from all over the globe. On the other hand, isolation from the world often leads to (8) un-desirable result. A good example is the 'closing the gate' policy implemented in China during 17th century, which (9) prohibit all (10) the trading activities between China and other nations. Since then, China's economy fell far behind (11) western countries.

Secondly, there are many issues, (12) e.g., environmental, terrorism, etc, which can't be solved by the effort of an individual country. For example, cutting a forest in China might trigger a sand storm in Korea. A (13) cloud with pollutions from Korea could (14) fly to (15) US, and cause (16) an acid rain in L.A.. The only way for people to successfully solve those issues is to act globally (17) but not individually.

Some people might argue that it is important to preserve each country's heritage. I would agree that (18) heritages are important. However, it is certainly possible to be a global citizen and to preserve (18) national heritages at the same time. For example, (19) as many European countries formed (20) European Union, each of them still has its own language.

In conclusion, people need to understand that their roles as citizens of the world are more important than their roles as citizens of a particular country. As the economy is growing more global, it is crucial to (4) emphasis on cooperation (5) across countries. Moreover, there are many issues, (12) e.g., environmental, terrorism, etc, which can't be solved by the effort of (21) an individual countries.

Suggestions

(1) Use "come" instead of "go" in order to be consistent. Otherwise, the reader may rake the opposite meaning of what you want to convey.
(2) You do not need "greatly." If it is not completely substantiated, you could say "partially substantiated."
(3) Although "growing" is acceptable, "becoming" would be even better.
(4) Use "to emphasize cooperation" or "to place emphasis on cooperation."
(5) Use "between countries" (two countries) or "among countries" (more than two) instead of "across."
(6) You need to use "operations" rather than "operation."
(7) You must use "one" instead of "1." Spell numbers 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
(8) You do not need a hyphen. Use "undesirable."
(9) Use the past tense ("prohibited") of the verb, "prohibit."
(10) Use "all trading" or "all of the trading."
(11) I would insert 'that of."
(12) Insert "such as" and delete "e.g.," or place the "e.g.," and the example in parentheses.
(13) Use "a cloud carrying pollutants" or "a polluting cloud" or "a cloud spreading pollution." In any event, "pollution" is one of those words that never needs an "s."
(14) "fly" (active activity) may be correct, but "drift" (passive activity) may be more descriptive.
(15) Although you can "fly to America," you "fly to the US."
(16) You do not need to use "an" with "acid rain."
(17) Use a comma before the "but."
(18) You normally do not add an "s" to "heritage; and therefore would use "is."
(19) Use "although" or "despite the fact that" instead of "as"
(20) Use "the" before European Union.
(21) Delete "an" or change "countries" to "country."



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